“There are only two lasting bequests we can hope to give our children. One of these is roots, the other, wings.”

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

PRENATAL

The months that I carried each of my two children were a mix of excitement and worry. I worked at full-time teaching, kept my prenatal appointments, followed my doctor’s advice, kept as active as possible, took care with my diet, attended Lamaze classes with my husband, and hoped that all would result in easy births and healthy babies.

INFANCY

It was a time of wonder and nervousness. Each baby was a miraculous bundle that I wanted to nurture and protect. I became a stay-at-home mom. I cuddled, crooned, and played, introduced them to mom-and-tot swims, fed, burped and changed them, engaged them with chatter and books, took them to the pediatrician for their shots and checkups, walked them in their carriages in the fresh air, and recorded and rejoiced over each developmental milestone.

TODDLERHOOD

This was when I babyproofed the house with electric outlet covers, gates at the tops of stairs, and breakables moved to higher shelves. An empty dining room was used as a carpeted playroom with low shelves for safe toys. Our backyard provided a place for their exploration of the natural world, like frogs and mud and where they enjoyed helping me with my garden. I packed them for travel via plane and auto and we put them in our backpacks for outdoor adventures. I had playgroups for each of them when they turned two. Each group had four children and I took turns with the other mothers having them at home for free play, an art activity, and a healthy snack.

NURSERY SCHOOL

Those years began when I drove each of them to the Village School in town and they joined, first the three-year-old class then the four-year-old for weekday mornings. I was still a stay-at-home mom, except for occasional stints at part-time work. I carpooled with other mothers for drop-offs and pick-ups. During those years, my husband and I introduced them to skiing. We started off on rope tows, each of us with one child on skis between our legs. I took them to the YMCA for swim and gym classes, and in summer, to the town beach. I spent a few evenings a week pursuing a graduate degree.

ELEMENTARY SCHOOL

My daughter took the town school bus, so I was no longer her driver. It was the same year my son started nursery school, so I was still carpooling for him. My husband and I took them skiing on weekends, and occasionally during the work week, I’d head north with another mom and we’d take her kids and mine to the slopes. 

Two years later, our lives had a major shift and we moved to Italy, where I helped them deal with a new culture. Both children rode a mini-school bus that picked them up and dropped them off at the bottom of the hill we lived on. I drove down to meet the bus every afternoon. (My husband brought them in the morning on his way to work.) I enrolled in Italian lessons, volunteered to do art classes at their school, and made sure we read books to help them learn about their new environment. When we took holiday trips to other parts of Europe, I supervised their school assignments, which were usually illustrated travel diaries. They became involved in sports. I drove both of them to an Italian swim club for lessons and my son to a stadium for his Italian calcio (soccer) lessons. We also joined an American-run park where I took them for swim lessons and T-ball teams, and I volunteered to be their assistant soccer coach, despite my lack of experience with the game. Luckily for me, the head coach knew what he was doing.

Two-and-a-half years after that, we were back in the States and I helped them deal with reverse culture shock. They took the town bus to school and I found a full-time teaching job. I assisted my husband as he coached our son’s soccer team. My weekends were busy attending soccer games for both kids, and our family skied as much as we could in winter. We traveled often to Maine where we bought land and built a vacation house. I was my husband’s building apprentice, hauling, hammering, and doing odd carpentry jobs. We took the kids hiking and swimming in the lake up there and let them help with the house in small ways, like helping to clear brush and making small projects with wood and nails. 

MIDDLE SCHOOL/HIGH SCHOOL

I did a lot of juggling in those years and a lot of navigating pre-teen and teen dramas. My daughter chose a small private middle school which was in the opposite direction from the school where I worked, so I had to rely on another kind mother to drive her. My son still took the bus to elementary school then two years later to the local middle school. Because it arrived after I had to leave, a neighbor mother allowed him to wait at her house with her sons. My job was to be home for both kids when they got back in the afternoons, to have dinner as a family, and to supervise their homework. I attended many sporting events and school activities that they participated in. In her last year of middle school, I helped my daughter with her applications to several prep schools and accompanied her to interviews. 

The following year, she started ninth grade as a boarding student. Then halfway through the year, our family had a major shift again. My husband’s job was moving to Germany which meant big decisions had to be made. I took a two-year leave of absence from my job. My daughter asked to stay at her boarding school. Three of us left for Germany. I tried to help my son deal with another new culture and be a telephone sounding board for my daughter who missed us. The following year, she joined us in Germany, and I tried to help her deal with the cultural change. I went to cheer them at their soccer games and ski races. I was also busy taking German classes and teaching English at a language school.

For our third year, both kids chose to go back to the States to boarding schools and I relied on the telephone for communication with them (no internet yet), except for the vacation times they joined us. My husband’s job wasn’t over, so I requested an extension of my leave. That year, I began the first draft of my first YA novel and took a teaching job at an international school. 

My husband and I ended up staying in Germany for six years. Vacations were spent with our visiting kids introducing them to a variety of countries during extended car trips. In summer, I drove them to their summer jobs. Trips back to the States were kid-focused: attending my son’s lacrosse game, visiting potential colleges with my daughter, and later with my son, attending their high school graduations and delivering them to college out west. 

EMPTY NEST (AT TIMES)

During the college years I looked forward to their phone calls and emails and having them home for holidays and summers. I empathized with their woes, shared their joys, and felt pride as each got their diplomas. I also pursued another graduate degree.

Post-college, I’ve watched them navigate the adult world, struggling at times but eventually succeeding. I’ve welcomed them home when they needed it and helped them move away when they wanted to pursue their dreams. I still offer advice, but more and more, they have skills that I don’t, and I learn things from them. I enjoy their adult company and visits to their homes.