“The more decisions that you are forced to make alone, the more you are aware of your freedom to choose.”

Thornton Wilder

Many people around the world dream of life-changing journeys, but their reality is full of roadblocks. Here is one man’s story:

He’d been a good son. When his mother pushed him to clean behind his ears, brush his teeth and dress properly, he didn't complain. In fact, he was grateful for those good habits because they raised his esteem in the eyes of others. When his father asked him to study hard and make him proud, he persevered until he earned a university degree..

But his education makes him see the world in a different way from his father, and his attractive appearance gives him social opportunities his mother doesn’t understand.

His body feels weighted down with indecision as he stares with blank eyes into his soul. Two paths lay before him, but which should he choose? The first is what he considers the opportunity of a lifetime, a chance to do graduate work abroad. The second is to honor his parents with obedience. They oppose his leaving because they have other plans for him which they consider important for the family; to marry the cousin they have selected and to take a government job in his country. 

He’s a man torn between two cultures, two generations, two worlds — the modern one he yearns to experience and the traditional one he’s obliged to occupy and not question.

Leaving would break many hearts and distance him, perhaps for good, from the family that has nurtured and loved him. He loves them too, but also understands their love is intricately bound up with rituals, restrictions, obedience and ideals he sometimes questions. He yearns to be free, not of his family, but of the taboos that stifle reasonable dissent. 

Staying and taking a government position doesn't guarantee stability. It might provide protection for his family but who knows? His country's government is volatile and the regime in power is corrupt. Anyway, he’d be sacrificing his ideals and hopes for democracy.

And the marriage! His cousin is a nice enough girl, but he feels no attraction for her in the least. She’d be nothing more than his baby-making machine for padding the family tree. It isn't fair — to either of them. He wants love. Is that so unreasonable?

The thing is… it's hopeless. Leaving requires a cold heart, courage and money. He lacks all of these, especially the money.

If he abandons his parents, they lose not only his future financial support but also the chance to watch his children grow and carry on the traditions. Dreams of his mother's tears and his father's rebukes would torture him..

If he refuses his cousin, she will be shamed and perhaps seen as unsuitable for marriage. He’d carry the weight of her humiliation with him.

But why should family demands override his needs and goals? Shouldn't parents feel joy when their child has new opportunities for growth? Why are they so resistant to change?

Last week he almost convinced himself it was foolish to be sentimental when his life was at stake. He made discreet inquiries about a student visa; it was no problem if he could afford to pay for his transportation, room and board. Perhaps, he thought, he could sell his computer and his old motorbike. After that, he’d find a job. 

Yesterday, he stashed the laptop into his backpack and made a dusty trip on the bike to see the merchants. The little cash they offered was contemptible. It would fund his getaway but he’d be penniless when he got there.  

He rode back home discouraged and doubt set in again. He told himself it would have been foolish to surrender the laptop that was essential for school. And without the motorbike, how would his brother take over the errands he did for the family now? 

Here in the dark room, the ramifications of leaving make his head throb, but the thought of staying makes his stomach ache. Is it more courageous to stay or to go?  How will he live with himself either way?